You would think BIG companies would hire 'marketing people' who know how to think, how to structure a simple communication.
SADLY, it generally seems to be the case that the BIGGER the company, the DUMBER they are.
Here's a mobile marketing message received, today, 7, Jan 2014 at 12.16pm London time, from OPTICAL EXPRESS;
Are you the laser eye surgery winner?
Reply EYES to enter at standard text cost.
Draw entry free. To opt out reply STOP.
To me, the opening suggests I've ALREADY been entered, and, their opening question would then lead to let me know what to do next to find out IF I am the winner.
They're now asking me to ENTER the competition!
Mixed messages cause confusion.
In the recipient's mind. As well as thinking how confused the sender, is. (Which consciously or unconsciously, has one thinking if the service or product to be delivered, will also be a catalogue of mixed confusion as well)
It would have been a more congruent message all round if the simple line;
Could you be the laser eye surgery winner? ... was written.
And how about the line -- Draw entry free.
That could be made better, more fluid, more pleasing to the eye by saying... FREE to enter.
And how about the HappyNewYou ending?
How about a timely Happy New Year, instead.
Simple words, structured well, matter. A LOT.
However, it's the thinking that precedes the action so THAT'S what needs fixing.
Don't settle for incompetent, sloppy, cant-be-bothered advertising and marketing in YOUR business, no matter what size it is, no matter how profitable you currently are. It WILL cost you sales and customers.